


Roll the Dice

by Medie



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, Genderbending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 00:49:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/pseuds/Medie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fine," Jane slurs, "but just for that, you're totally sleeping on the couch."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roll the Dice

**Author's Note:**

> written for [](http://chocochip-pie.livejournal.com/profile)[**chocochip_pie**](http://chocochip-pie.livejournal.com/)'s More Joy Day prompt of "girl!Kirk/McCoy - pretending to be married"

It's a spur of the moment thing.

A lot of things Jane does count as spur of the moment. She likes spur of the moment. People complain about her unpredictability, but she likes the challenge. Likes to throw herself into it, see where it rides out, see where she lands. They think she's being reckless, risking everything, Jane sees it differently. She throws herself into the moment and sees where it shakes out.

It's always worked pretty damn well for her. Why not now?

Bones throws a look her way, warning, but Jane ignores it. She surveys the aliens circled around them, running vectors and scenarios through her head, and makes a decision.

She throws herself into the moment and smiles politely, all teeth and 'who me?', at the guy - she thinks he's a guy anyway, they're still working on the possible genders for this species which, of course, makes it damn hard to tell - in charge. "Your offer," if you can call it an offer with a disruptor pointed at your head, "is quite appealing, but," here she loops an arm around Bones, putting the right touch of goofy, 'aw shucks, aren't we sickening?' into her smile, "I have to decline. My husband really wouldn't approve."

He's a stick in the mud, her Bones, (or, at least, he does a damn good job of pretending, she has a sneaking suspicion it's just a hell of a front though) but he catches on fast. After that split second of 'what the hell, Jane?' hesitation, he relaxes enough to return the favor.

His arm slips around her waist, pulling her against his body, and Jane beams up at him. He doesn't look quite so at ease with the idea, but she plays it for the both of them. At least, she hopes that she does. "I'm sure, Excellency, you'd understand."

His High Excellency doesn't, of course, they end up beaming out of there under heavy fire with Jane bleeding all over her 'husband's' pristine uniform and Uhura turning the air a brilliant shade of blue with that oh-so-talented tongue of hers.

Jane has to respect a woman with an encyclopedic knowledge of swearing that, quite possibly, spans an entire quadrant. Listening to her cycle through them, Jane's inclined to think that Nyota does. She tries to listen, but her head starts to loll and she looks down at her side.

"Spock," she says, "aren't these things supposed to cauterize?"

Bones mutters a few choice words of his own, lowering her to the floor, and pulling his uniform tunic over his head. It gets pressed against her side, making Jane cry out, while he fumbles for his medkit. "Hang in there, Jane," he says. "You still owe me a honeymoon, remember?"

She snickers. "Risa sound good?"

"Fuck no," he shoots back. "Caspiria Prime or nothing."

A hypo hisses at her throat, the fiery pain in her side easing, and Jane feels herself start to drift. "Caspiria Prime?" She tries to laugh, but it comes out slightly choked. "You're not cheap, Bones."

"Putting up with you, I've damn well earned it," he says. She feels pressure as he pushes down on the wound, but no pain. Bless that hypo.

The transporter room doors hiss open and medical personnel barrel in. Bones starts shouting orders, Jane feels herself hefted onto something and is immediately surrounded by a sea of blue. Hands start poking and prodding, but she ignores it. She turns her head to look for him, finding the black of his undertunic. "Bones, where's Spock?"

She distantly hears Spock answer, but then Bones is standing over her. She reaches for him, but he bats her hand away. "You just forget about the ship, he says. "I'm in charge now."

"Fine," Jane slurs, "but just for that, you're totally sleeping on the couch."

-

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?"

As touching reunions go, it's not going to win any awards, but they've never been about that. Jane touches tentative fingers to her head, feeling the too-slick, shiny smoothness of freshly-regenerated skin where the deep gash had been.

She doesn't have to look to know the wound on her side is gone too. Bones does good work. "Mom always said marry a doctor," she quips.

"Mine always said never marry Fleet," Bones counters. "Beginning to see why."

Turning her head, she finds him glaring at her from the doorway. He's pressed up against the wall like he's trying to meld with it, arms crossed tight over his chest, and Jane thinks she's lucky looks can't kill. The one he's sending her way would totally undo all that careful work he did fixing her up.

Jane pouts a little. "Aw, Bones, come on, you know this is totally an aberration and, for the record, I was trying to save our lives."

"At the expense of your own? He tried to _execute you_," Bones snaps. "Goddamn it, Jane, why can't you do anything the easy way?"

Settling back, she laces fingers together over her midsection. "Well, since this is apparently my second kick at the can, Bones, I might as well. I hear I did it the easy way the first time." Actually, from what the Ambassador's hinted, that Jane did it anything but easy and, some day, Bones is going to think to ask the Ambassador that.

Bones breathes deep, like there's another rant in the offing, and Jane's really not in the mood. She looks at him. "My crew's safety is my responsibility. It would've been nice if it had saved the negotiations, but as long as my people made it back safe? I don't give a shit."

Tucking her chin, she offers her most innocent smile, "Besides, I didn't think I made that bad a wife." She's never been one for playing coy, but for Leonard McCoy, it seems, she'll make a world of exceptions.

Besides, with Bones, it _works_ and they both know it. He sighs. "Of course not," he says, just a little gruff. "I didn't – Christ, Jane, that's not the point."

"No," she says, "it's not." It isn't, but it is, and that's just a little ridiculous. They're not even together and she's picking out china patterns? Shit, when the fuck did she get to be this domestic? "But remind me to try that one again some time," she tips her head, grinning. "I think I could get used to being Captain Mrs. McCoy."

He blushes at that, just a little, but she backs off. She might like spur of the moment, but she knows when to play it easy.

"So," she agrees. "So, ship's status?"

"Oh, no you don't," he shakes a finger at her. "Not a chance, Jane. Not a goddamn chance. I was serious. Spock can handle the big chair on his own for a couple of days. I don't care what you think you need done, you're on bedrest until I say otherwise. Your yeoman's been warned, Uhura's on the look out for any suspicious computer usage, and I personally plan on riding your ass good and hard if you so much as _think_ about work."

Jane grins at him. It takes a moment for his brain to catch up and then he blushes outright. "Son of a bitch, woman, can't you give me a single second's peace?"

"I did," she says, sweet as honey. "A whole bunch of them where I happened to be unconscious." She settles back again. "So, when exactly do you plan on carrying me over the threshold? Oh, and that whole kiss the bride thing? I think we skipped that part and -- "

She's not sure when he moved, but between one breath and the next, he's there. His mouth on hers. Jane has absolutely no objections to that whatsoever. She grabs handfuls of his tunic and tugs him closer. By the time she's done, he's halfway across the bed, pressing down on her, and holy god, it's _amazing_.

He nips her lip, sucks at it, and she whimpers. He's halfway to being hard and _god_. One of her hands eases free of his shirt, sliding down toward him, but Bones stops her before she can make contact.

She breaks off the kiss, dizzy and breathing hard, to pout at him. "Aw, c'mon, Bones -- "

"We're in _Sickbay_, Jane," he reminds.

"Mmhmm always did like playing doctor," she agrees, going for his mouth again.

He pulls back farther, his hands closing around her wrists, keeping distance between them. It's really not far as far as Jane's concerned. Not with him all messy, lips slick and swollen from her kiss, and that telltale bulge in his pants. "Let me rephrase that, Captain, we're in Sickbay and you're _recovering_."

"No, now I'm recovered." Jane sits up a little more. "I was a good girl for the doctor and now I get my lollipop." Subtle's never been her thing, but sometimes, with Bones, downright blunt is in order. "I seem to remember you saying something about a honeymoon?"

"And I remember you saying something about me sleeping on the couch," Bones grins, pecking a kiss on her lips. "See you when I'm out of the doghouse, honey."

"_Bones_ \-- "

He leans over, kissing her again. "Believe me, _Captain_, the second you're fit for duty? Your sweet little ass, not to mention the rest of you, is all mine. In the meantime," he pats her knee, "you be a good girl and we'll just see about that lollipop."

Sometimes, it goes bad. Sometimes, it works out to be pretty damn amazing.


End file.
